
Anima Sola
Published January 5, 2022 by rlmcdermott
You smell
it first–
musky
dust on
a favorite
chair
flowers wilting
in a blue vase
shadows
You count
the lines
on your face
craqueleur
every bone
has a name
carved into it
nothing is
left unmarked
Then you
remember
bird song
a cone flower
growing on a
country road
Did you
know that
I am dying
that I am
like a blue
crane flying
riding thermals
without wings
life is such
a fickle thing
it’s so hard
to let you go
yet so easy
to live alone
how could
I have loved
a moon that
never shines for me
am I grieving you
or grieving me
so long this dying
has to be–
a day a night
spent in the sky
who loves me
loves to fly
and in her
turning is
a turning
back to
the blue
lichen
and fleshy
moss dripping
from bare
trees where
wild gods sit
and play
songs on
white bone
she has
grown old
underneath
a silent moon
waiting for
something
that never
comes–
to be loved again
and as
her small
feet strike
stone a
note is
struck
on bone
white bone
that sings
of home–
a place she’s
never known
In a desert
of mecury
nations of
unkept women
rest like squat
beetles on
all fours–
listening with
ears buttoned
to the ground.
They can
hear voices
echoing in
their heads,
whispering
of immolation,
hearts buring
in the afternoon,
birds soaring
in the sky.
There is no
comfort in
the keening
breeze, what
was blue
has turned
to red, falling
bombs have
gleaned their
husband’s bones
and left their
children dead.
How did
this happen;
dead beneath
the headlines–
blue metal,
blue bird,
blue child?
Imagine
the moment,
the sharp
slap of air,
the ferocious
snap of wing,
and then
the still
and certain fall.
And you,
the child,
all breakable
bone; your
arm twisted
until it spiraled
out of its socket,
and like the
bird fell
down.
On a cold Sunday,
inside a newspaper,
beside a metal dumpster
two things dead–
a bird and a child.
I take you
back a
thousand
times a day
and let you
go because
it is my way
all your red
is just an
artifact of blue
what I really love is death
you weren’t
real because
you weren’t him
small gods are not the ones to love
and so I cast
my lyre into the
sea and tuck
my head beneath
my wing–a bird
standing on one leg
I wait beneath a paper tree
for death to comfort me
She sang
in the bathroom–
high notes,
clear,
chaste,
contralateral.
A songbird puffing
cigarettes between breaths,
all was illegal about those years–
the teased hair,
the shaved eyebrows,
the rolled-up skirt.
Violetta everywhere,
father dying
on a red-velvet couch.
Where were the old dreams,
the dreams her parents had for her;
there was a truth to them
that she ignored–
the bottle-shaped dreams
of an alcoholic father,
the woman in the kitchen
silent for forty years
now heard for the first time,
a half-forgotten song,
snatches of melody,
lingering in her memory.
They gave her a watch
so she could know time was running out.
She listened to the ticking; rhythmic
like a song, like a poem,
an alliteration of small explosions
striking the final destination.
The days of summer and sadness,
the little girl heart beating badly,
the pills stolen from a dying father,
the butcher knife hidden in a rotting mattress,
the poems packed in a yellow suitcase–
songs saved for another day.